Prepare for the #LodanRespawn2024 Existing characters may choose to be displace from/have memories of different timelines, thereby allowing returning members the option to retcon their whole character. These changes are the result of the "Unnatural Fog" plot device that is running between now and the Respawn. The plot is simple: no matter where your character is, that place is shrouded in a thick fog that suspends time, but not thoughts or memories, so even if they're repeating the same day over and over again, they continue to remember, so each time feels like a new day. For those retconning OCs; this is where new versions of themselves have the opportunity to replace the old versions. Official lore and tree updates will be announced asap
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 6, 2016 2:18:03 GMT
He decided to leave the sleep aids on the table for now; perhaps they would be forgotten by the time he needed to leave. Now, now it was the time for him to ask the question pressing on his mind. Perhaps she would appreciate the change of pace as well.
But the word caught in his throat when he realized he knew exactly how she would answer. Why do you care? Because you’re a friend. It would be that simple in her eyes, he was sure of it. Was there more to it than that? Perhaps. But the chances of her answering beyond that were slim. No, he shouldn’t ask that. Not now at least. “What now?” he asked.
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 6, 2016 5:31:39 GMT
"....." Edelweiss wouldn't have minded answering the question Lasair just asked... if she knew how. The unasked one would probably have been easier, even if not exactly what he expected (although he's about one third right about her reasons), but the one that was actually voiced made the redhead woman blink a couple times and then gaze at books scattered on the coffee table for a couple seconds before managing to reply to anything.
"I'm not sure... And not sure if I understood the question either."
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 8, 2016 4:30:56 GMT
“I mean,” he tried to say, but again he lost the words. He began moving his hands around, crossing, uncrossing, and then re crossing them again, trying to put his thoughts into verbal words so that they could be conveyed to the person sitting before him. “You seem to be managing well, despite the tragedy. I’m, well, I’m still alive despite mine. Is that it then? Is there nothing more to it? Bad things happened but despite how they affected us, we just have to keep going on, right? Well, I’m at the point where I’m asking both you and myself, what now? What can be done now? Do we simply attempt to remedy the war which is slowly dooming us all? Do we ignore it and live our lives; run our guilds? I feel like there should be something more to it, and yet, I’m asking the same questions.” What he really wanted to ask was; is there more to life than this?
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 8, 2016 6:46:35 GMT
"...."
Now this was a hard question, and she watched him fidgetting with his hands for a moment while collecting her own thoughts. "I think we need multiple lifelines." This likely sounded too cryptic... Alright, clarify. "Now this is something I heard and don't even remember where, but agree with: we're not born for ourselves alone. So there are people who depend on us, and whom we're responsible for. People whom we lead and owe protection, safety, care, etc. Our guilds are a good example of that. Those people are a weight in a sense, but at least for me it's that same weight that kept me from being swept away by my own thoughts and emotions and drowning in it all. That's one lifeline. So being focused on work is a good drive, if chanelled well. But at the same time... it's not enough, you see. Work will keep you functioning, but it won't keep you well. Is that what the people we lost would want? Have us reduced to a state of machines, moving for the sake of moving? There should be something more indeed... Someone you can relate to, and tell things to, and do or chat of crazy things with without all that full armor and masks we use on the street. It can be more than one person, or it can be just one, but make them a warm place you can call home." She stopped for a second when realized she had started rambling a lot. Would this do for a reply? There was no certainty after it. It's not like she had exact answers to share, only her own experiences. "Without that, you might crumble in the long run, no matter how strong you are. Then again, your dear lifelines might be gone too. It's better to assume they will, and I'm sure you know, that hurts so much the body goes numb and stops feeling it altogether. That's not new. Being frank, I'm always scared of that - not of if they will be gone, but of when. That's why... I try to only hold onto someone if they're worth the fear."
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 11, 2016 8:10:15 GMT
He sat there quiet, hands crossed, eyes down, as Edel answered his unusual questions. She was honest with him, sincere even. It was something that interactions with a lot of people lacked. Most of the time he was a mask. Not wearing a mask, but becoming a mask itself. And it worked for the better portion of his life. But now he wasn’t a mask anymore. He could still put it on, but he couldn’t become one with it. At least, not right now.
She spoke of lifelines. Was that the word for them? Is that all his parents were? A tether for him to follow out of the storm? That’s what it sounded like. And now without them, he felt as though he was doomed to wander in the chaos forever. “I don’t think I can have any more lifelines.” The statement was half blurted out and half intentional. “I have my guild and if I do my job right, it’ll still be there long after I’m gone. I cannot fathom what would become of me if that were taken away from me. It’s on that same trail that I cannot fathom having anything else besides MI. On the off chance I did gain another lifeline, as you call them, and then lose that one, the guild would suffer because I’d be unable to do my job. I can’t allow that to happen.” He always had a tendency to talk around things; circling and isolating the truth as opposed to simply drawing an arrow to it. In this situation, it was called for, however. One could not simply say “If I lose anyone else, I’m going to literally die,” and expect the reaction to be anything but drastic.
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 11, 2016 18:36:11 GMT
"Well, guilds are a special case. I don't think any Guild Leader would consider themselves more important than their guild - not any good leaders anyway." She fiddled with the box of truffles in her hands while speaking, wavering between looking at it and at Lasair. Thoughts were hard to convey into words sometimes, and in the corner of her gaze he seemed to be either struggling with or cocooned in his own, perhaps to a larger degree than herself right then. Couldn't have any more lifelines, huh... Well, not all lines went both ways, nor in equal manners. And that was alright too. The box was half full. "Our guilds may be our lifelines, but mostly, we are theirs too. And guilds are formed by many people. When having that many with you as an anchor point, that single line that's actually yours can seem a bit underwhelming at times."
"You once told me it was magic itself that chose MI's leader, right? In the case you became unable to work, wouldn't it just choose another person?" Hence why back when she first heard of it she thought it must be pretty hard. It was a rather cold manner to see things. "But you're still there, so as it may, you must be the one they need right now. You can handle more than you realise, Las. At the same time, you should take care of yourself too. It's alright if you can't right now, but you should at least find someone who can, because... How would a single person, take care of something larger than we are, if couldn't even take care of something small as ourselves?"
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 12, 2016 23:25:55 GMT
He nodded to her words about how MI chooses its leadership. “That’s part of the reason why I can’t have anyone else close to me anymore. I can’t allow myself to be anything but the best leader possible. I don’t know if any of our other members could handle the burden if I were to falter. It’s just, it’s too much for me to risk.” But to her other questions, he was silent for a few moments, eyes downcast and flickering from one piece of text to the next. “I don’t know how I’d find someone to do what you described. I don’t want to go looking. Your concern is appreciated but…that doesn’t sound like something I can do.” Shaking his head, he allowed his eyes to close as he tucked his face into his hands. Her words made sense, he could see himself repeating them to someone, but he couldn’t take them to heart. It just, it didn’t feel right.
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 13, 2016 7:08:24 GMT
"You don't need to go looking." She stated simply, though she wished she had managed to put more emotion in her voice to make it sound more reassuring. Her tone insisted on staying flat and hollow as it had been the whole time through since she awoke that day - there'd be no pretenses then. Maybe part of her was still wondering what was even the worth... so she just let the rest of her mind work what could be worked and hoped it was enough. "I don't believe there isn't a single soul within your guild who would not be willing to reach out a hand if you asked. You're a good person, Las, and you're obviously giving you all for them; at least some should appreciate you for it." Edelweiss kept toying with the truffles box, pondering about eating another or not. Their sweetness was always appreciated, but on another angle eating that much chocolate was making her thirsty, so better not. She stood up to get some water and glanced at Lasair again - he was still hiding his face in his hands. She felt tempted to rub his shoulder if it served as a comforting gesture, but with what she knew of Lasair she wasn't sure it would help. So her hand was retreated after just a second-lasting rest.
"Even if not, you still have me. Although considering my state I'd probably make for quite a terrible choice." A wretched, terible choice for company she'd be - and probably is being already - indeed. But she had already left him behind once while he needed help, in a time when it could be fatal, and she tried to not repeat past mistakes. She could make do with his forgiveness, but not accept her how forgetfulness. Not only for him but also for the sake of her own sanity: forsaking the few lines she had who were still within her reach was not an option.
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 16, 2016 20:23:39 GMT
He took a deep breath, “No, no water. But thank you,” he replied. He didn’t look up from his hands. His mind was troubled. His guild members, wasn’t he supposed to keep a sort of distance with them? That’s what Danny had done, and wasn’t he following in Danny’s footsteps?
After Edel returned, he looked up from his hands. “You’re not that terrible of a choice simply for the fact that you know all this already. I wouldn’t have to re-explain it to you. I don’t know if I can reach out to my guild; they need to see me as the strong leader. And then again, you’re facing your own problems; I wouldn’t dare put my issues on you when you already have your arms full. I’m not that kind of person. I don’t want to be someone else’s problem.” There he was rambling again. He had been talking with his hands as he went, but now his arms felt empty. They fell back to his side as he sighed again.
“I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry for troubling you. Do you want me to go?” Lasair stood up then. He felt like he should leave, he felt like he was troubling her, he felt like everything was wrong. And he did have the tendency to run away when things felt wrong.
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 16, 2016 21:08:09 GMT
"You're not troubling me." She replied while retaking her seat, and it was true. There were plenty of things troubling her, but Lasair wasn't one of them.
"It really is nice to talk to someone who understands. There's some relief in shared pain, even if I'd not wish it upon anyone - though I wish you'd not see yourself as 'someone's problem'. You're not a problem, Las, you're a person. And people generally don't know what they're doing. Heavens know I don't more often than not."
"All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." - John Dalberg-Acton
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 16, 2016 21:32:56 GMT
“I’m a person who seems to be full of problems, then. Is that more accurate?” He paced a few steps to the side. “It’s just getting hard, you know? Going through every day acting like the same as yesterday. Every day becomes the same as the ones before it. Always acting like the problems aren’t there, but in reality their always looming in your shadow. How much longer do I have to keep this up? Forever? That’s a long time.” He took a few more steps again, talking with his hands as he went.
And then he stopped, shaking his head. “What am I supposed to do, Edelweiss? You seem to have it all figured out. What’s your secret? Do you just grab a hug from a friend and keep going?”
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 17, 2016 22:11:23 GMT
She seemed to have everything figured out...? "So, that's what it looks like from an external point of view..." Was it because she wasn't fully sure of Amon's death? That lingering suspicion, the things amiss... No, the doubts brought the same amount of relief and a different kind of emptiness. Or maybe it was because she still had a line within reach? No, that wasn't the question either. And she had a lot of questions already, about everything, everyone and herself. Truth was there was nothing she had truly figured out, and nothing could send the actual problems away. While she did have plenty of things to hide in her life, there were no miraculous secrets in this specific matter, except maybe that she's a good actress at the role of staying strong. The same role Lasair was also playing. But no one could really call that 'alright'.
"Once you keep on repeating that same routine for long enough, you reach a point where you won't be able to tell what's alright and what isn't." She left the empty water cup on the table, atop the books and things, and distractedly looked at it while speaking. Lasair kept moving in the corner of her peripheral vision, but she wasn't sure of what he was doing. "My secret? Maybe I'm just broken. I should be extremely sad, right? Weeping and crying my lungs out? When I thought Danny was gone, it felt painful like my chest was being smothered. But now I'm not... I can't... Maybe there aren't any tears left. I don't know what I'm feeling or if I'm even feeling anything. It's just... so hollow now."
Lasair's last question brought a humorless smile to her lips. "I've received a ton of condolences and 'sorry' gifts the past weeks, but hugs were not among them. Guess it's too much to wish for in these times. Everyone else is grieving too."
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 21, 2016 0:33:51 GMT
“Just keep repeating it…” he said back to himself, pausing in his nervous walking. That might as well be the only solution he would find. Just keep going. Just keep repeating. Again and again until something changes. “I don’t think you’re broken,” he added after a moment, glancing towards her. “Maybe bruised, wounded, in pain, or something else along those lines, but not broken. Certainly not.”
Taking a breath, he turned and walked back around the couch, standing next to the table she had set the cup on. “Do you think a hug would help?”
“Perhaps. I don't know.”
Well, time to find out. Taking that last step to be next to her, he reached down and took her hand, gently pulling her up from her seat and then into a hug. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this, but perhaps it was remnants of his old self, the old self that wasn’t quite gone into the sadness yet. He felt like she needed a hug, so he wanted to provide one. And maybe, just maybe he needed one too.
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Mar 21, 2016 5:10:24 GMT
It's not like he had told any sort of impressive revelation, but at least the redhead man's offer made her stop staring at the water cup on the table and turn to look at him more directly. She didn't feel like her words were anything special either - just a reply containing 4 words still with that faint, empty smile on her face. Would a hug help? She truly didn't know. It felt like she was forgetting something important just by not knowing the answer for such a simple question, and it was a tad frustrating.
But then in the next second she was actually being pulled into a hug anyway. No worth in pondering now. Maybe that's what she had forgotten.
It felt warm... Warm in a different manner than a cup of tea or a thick blanket did. Nice, and at the same time made her chest hurt. There was some comfort in that hurt though - it was much better than the numbness. Would it be the same for him? Anyway, Lasair would receive his own hug too. Though she could only hope she isn't gripping on him a tad too tight. It was hard to tell.
"All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." - John Dalberg-Acton
Post by Lasair Landevier Lupen on Mar 21, 2016 5:25:20 GMT
At first the hug was light, arms loose, but then Edel tightened her grip on him. It wasn’t too tight, instead being a bit comforting. After a moment he matched her grip and stood there for a few moments, letting the quiet time pass.
Lasair wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Happy? Comforted? It was something positive, that he was sure, but he couldn’t put a name to the feeling. Then again, did he really need to? No, he didn’t. He knew it was something good and that was answer enough for him.
“I think you needed a hug,” he said after a little while, waiting to see if she would pull away before he did. For the time being, she was in charge of when to end it.
"All you need is love." -John Lennon
Shoutbox
Welcome to the Shoutbox - If You Have Discord, Ask to Join the Discord Server