Prepare for the #LodanRespawn2024 Existing characters may choose to be displace from/have memories of different timelines, thereby allowing returning members the option to retcon their whole character. These changes are the result of the "Unnatural Fog" plot device that is running between now and the Respawn. The plot is simple: no matter where your character is, that place is shrouded in a thick fog that suspends time, but not thoughts or memories, so even if they're repeating the same day over and over again, they continue to remember, so each time feels like a new day. For those retconning OCs; this is where new versions of themselves have the opportunity to replace the old versions. Official lore and tree updates will be announced asap
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 6, 2016 19:40:03 GMT
Edelweiss stared at the developping scene with slight wide eyes before just sighing and moving to sit on the piano stool instead of any of the couches - meanwhile Amethyst silently reached out a handkerchief with her free (non-healing) hand for Amon to clean his cheek with. Unless he prefers to keep that second mouth stamped in chapstick on his face, that is.
"Sayvahn, I do not think you realize what you've said sounds like." She rubbed her eyes with both hands, trying to send the budding annoyance away. "But if you do and still said it, I do not appreciate what you're insinuating."
As far as she can currently recall, the only thing that Sayvahn could be oh-so-suspiciously hinting at like that was regarding the events of April 4th. But Sayvahn did sound like he was insinuating she had an illicit affair or similar. And even if throwing any sense of principles and actual emotions aside to judge, as far as affairs go, she'd not even have the time for one with as busy as she made sure to constantly be with work and had been comfirmedly present at her guild. In fact, if she wasn't having the time to even sleep properly, she'd not have time for much else.
Either way, this was getting ridiculous. She would never let Sayvahn know any secrets of hers ever again. Ever. It regarded different types of it, but nonetheless Sayvahn was currently straining her trust towards himself almost as much as Amon did. If comes a day when he finds out anything else he wasn't supposed to know, she'd have to wipe out the memory out of his mind, no matter how much she dreads that use and how much he loathes the spell as a whole.
With Amon’s rearrangement, Sayvahn grunted, tilting his head to the side. “I get that a lot— but sadly I’m more of a lover than a fighter,” he hummed, but to be fair, both were equally likely. At Amon’s angry flare, though, the feline ignored him, yet, with Edelweiss’ own scolding, Sayvahn had to take a step back to understand where he had gone wrong— if he had. And he had. “Ah,” the elder man stated after a moment of thought. “Indeed. I um, can see where that went, which was not my intention. I did not mean to insinuate that at all— Edelweiss is as loyal as— as— Goodness I can’t even think of anything as loyal as her— in a good way,” Sayvahn stuttered, slightly flustered as he reached forward, hands up in a “wait, hold on a second” motion. “I meant that in a good way— no disrespect was meant in that regard. She’s loyal—godly so, but um, what I had meant with confession was as in, feelings we had? While Amon was gone? Ones that we may not have expressed before? Like, well, um,” scratching his cheek, Sayvahn leaned forward, moving to hold his palms as he tried to think of something to say. “I, well,” hadn’t thought this through but he couldn’t say that. No, instead he took a deep breath, rubbing the bone of his palm as he spoke. “I suppose I should start after all. Except, my confession is going to be an observation, I suppose. Yes— observation of feelings— of Edelweiss, in particular, since well, I…” Looking toward Edelweiss, he traced her form— her eyes, angrily pinned on him. The eyes of someone whose trust he had broken. Sayvahn knew that. Understood that. But really, what mattered more than her trust was her happiness— of which, Sayvahn wasn’t sure she truly was feeling. That sadness, still biting at her— but he couldn’t help her. No— only Amon could. And maybe, then, Sayvahn didn’t need Edelweiss' trust— not when he could be the one to pull the truth from her. “I never seen her so sad,” Sayvahn confessed. “So alone. So tired. Of course, I didn’t know her much before, but just as an individual— as a person— I couldn’t help but notice. She was dying, in a sense. Inside and out, for various reasons— all of which I can only seem to pin on you, Amon— and I think I want to pin it on you, because she loves you— and that was a harsher blow than what I want to admit.” Lowering his eyes, Sayvahn bit his lip and continued. “But, her love is fragile, and Amon, I don’t think you understand how fragile it is— and if you do, than perhaps not the kind of fragile she embodies.” Curling in on himself, Sayvahn held his hand tighter, staring deep into the carpet, piecing together his thoughts. “Edelweiss is a strong leader, but love makes all things fragile. She relied on you, and you weren’t there for her when she needed you. When she didn’t want to feel alone. You made her experience your death— and worse of all, she blamed herself for it— or felt some sort of way that made her seem to decay with every step. And that, that does things to a person. I just… I want her to be happy. And, you two should be happy—and you have been trying to. Trying to talk it out, but, you need to talk about the right things, because goddamn it Edelweiss.” Standing up, Sayvahn stared upon her, biting his lip, anger flowing through him. “You shouldn’t have to hurt. You shouldn’t have to feel the pain alone. That’s what he is there for—to be with you— and now he is.” Pointing to Amon, the feline didn’t bother looking at him. No—he could only focus on the Crimson angel. “But how can he, if you remain silent, if you don’t talk about each other? If there is something wrong, you shouldn’t have to shoulder that burden alone. He’s a grown man— and if he’s being a bumrag then you have to make him wake up, and by doing so, maybe you’ll see what you truly are.” Eyes weakening, Sayvahn trembled slightly as he spoke. “A woman who has the power to protect, but also has every right to be protected as well.”
“In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught." ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
"Thanks," Amon said to Amethyst, wiping his face as she healed his headache, fighting through the minor discomfort as the magic made sight interference with his eye and arm.
Listening to Sayvahn, he couldn't help but roll his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in disbelief (no headache for now, thanks again Amethyst!).
"...Sayvahn, all you've been doing is repeating yourself," Amon said, irritated at the insinuation that he wasn't mature. "You don't know Edel, and you don't know me. Clearly something happened while I was gone, and if Edel doesn't want to tell me right now, then I will respect her wishes and wait patiently for when she is ready."
"And besides, I don't know what else you are insinuating, but believe me: Edel is many things, but she ain't fragile," Amon concluded with a smile.
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 9, 2016 22:18:55 GMT
'You need to talk about the right things, but how can he, if you remain silent' Did Sayvahn honestly think she never tried to tell Amon before? Because she had, and had failed miserably at it. Because it hurt. Physically hurt, as if whatever unnamed links her memories had with her being were making her feel it in the present, ingrained in every cell of her body like an ever-repeating echo. It hurt and there was no point. Someone make him stop. How long is it going to continue? That's ok, it's not real. It's not real anymore. Remember to breathe. Remember how to breathe.
"Ame," Her voice felt almost detached from her body. So tired. Those two were still bickering at each other. It hurts. Remember to breathe. "be a dear and take Sayvahn for a walk for a few minutes until everyone has calmed down, please. And bring me a dose of diazepam." She rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face in her hands. It wasn't going to go away this time. No worth in making Amethyst waste another of her casts trying.
'Edel is many things, but she ain't fragile' That was meant as a compliment, the redhead knew that. And in a sense it was true, since it was hard to bring her down in a fight. But that was not the meaning Sayvahn implied there. The main thing he got right, and had got it since the beginning. She'd have chuckled at it otherwise, but right then all she felt was sick. Like she's about to hurl.
How could this be? How? How could the man not see what was in front of him? What Edlweiss was, what she embodied— the pain she carried— what had been here this whole time? Was he not seeing what Sayvahn saw? “I’m repeating myself because you are not understanding me—“ And than Amon smiled, spoke “She aint fragile,” — with a smile. Amon didn’t now. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know what she had been through, what he had put her through. And how could he when Edelweiss would never say it? But she needed to— she couldn’t let this go. Couldn’t bear this on her own. Is that why she looked at the children so sadly? Is this why she denied ever being a mother? Because of him? Anger broke every fiber in Sayvahn’s being as Amon smiled, and that, that caused him again to lunge, to grab the vile man’s collar, to try to pull him down, but he was so tall. So smug. So disgusting. “I know her more than you— because at least I have some level of empathy, you metal bastard.” Why? Why couldn’t he see that she was breaking, but oh so skillfully putting the pieces back together? Because that is who she was— someone who was never allowed to break, never allowed to feel those emotions. But she needed to— she deserved to. And then, Amon could help her. God, why won’t someone help her? “She’s won’t break— nor she will never heal.” And than Edelweiss spoke. Her voice, distant from her. Faded, crumbling, and she, she was breaking. Sayvahn could see it. Could see her decaying, even as she ushered Amethyst to take him away. But that wouldn’t’ be necessary. No. He was done. This—this was over. “I loved you Edelweiss,” Sayvan began, his own words crumbling on his tongue. “And I just wanted you to be happy— and most of all, to not be alone.” Drawing away from Amon, Sayvahn let his head lay low, tears welling, the hatred and pain fueling inside of him. “No need for Amethyst to escort me. I’m leaving,” he tried to keep his voice level, but it was breaking. He had tried to do so many things. Tried to relay what he saw, tried to stay, tried to help, but it had been for nothing. And maybe that was a good thing. Now, now Sayvahn gave them a reason to never talk to him ever again. And maybe, maybe that would be a good thing. Maybe then Sayvahn would stop hurting as well. With one fluid motion, Sayvahn pushed past Amon, into the hallway, and out of the theater building. He held his tongue, had to hold it until he was outside. Until at last he could scream and punch the wall, fury pooling as he wept. Why couldn’t he be a woman? Why couldn’t he be there to support Edelweiss? Why couldn’t he be more of a man, a man that would have been suited for Edelweiss? Why did he have to be himself? Why? “I hate them. I hate them so much,” Sayvahn wept, leaning his head against the alley’s wall as he cried. He wanted to go home. He wanted to leave. He wanted this to be over. And maybe, maybe at home would be the answer. Maybe there, Edgar could remind him. Remind him what he was—that he was disgusting. Remind him that everything he touched would turn to rubble, would turn to disappointment. Maybe now, Sayvahn could get it through his mind that he was meant to be alone. Meant to be alone, because obviously, no matter what he did— it would not help anyone.
“In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught." ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Amon could only keep a stony composure as he noticed Edel's deteriorating position from the corner of his eye, even as Sayvahn grabbed him by the collar and continue to berate him. What hypocrisy: the man touted messages of empathy and understanding, all while berating Amon for not showing emotions and without realizing that this topic was physically painful for Edel to recall.
But it didn't matter.
As soon as the Feline left, Amon rushed over to Edel, getting down to one knee in front of her.
"Are you okay?" he asked, concern etched in his voice and expression. "I'm right here, okay? I'm sorry for all of this, but I just want you to know that I'm here," he continued, embracing her in a loose hug.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 10, 2016 3:15:06 GMT
"I..." 'I am ok'? That would be a lie, and a sloppy lie at that. It was more than onbvious she is not ok, and Amon wasn't stupid enough to believe she was even if she replied so. Just a rethorical question. She took a deep breathe and focused on the air entering and leaving her lungs for a couple seconds before answering.
"...I will be."
But would she really? For now, perhaps. Once given a moment to calm down, and Ame can return with her requested medicine. But it wasn't going to end, was it? No, the topic was definitely not going to die and be forgotten, no matter how much she wished for it to be. There was absolutely no point in telling him this. Nothing would reverse time. Nothing would change, except bringing pain to someone else besides herself. But if she doesn't say anything, that talk might pop up again later. And again. And again. And again. And she'd not be able to bear that. Not again. It was such a selfish reason, but she just... couldn't. "If I say something horrible, would you still be here?"
It was cold outside the theater, and Amethyst wasn't fully sure why Sayvahn left, but then again she wasn't sure what he had gone to do in there either if it's not his work hours. And he had said he didn't need an escort, but she's a girl. Wouldn't it be strange for a girl to escort a guy out instead of the inverse thing? Hm, maybe not... just old standards were hard to break. But she'd be leaving the room anyway to get Edel's medicine, so she'd be walking the same path as Sayvahn nonetheless for a while. Out of sight for a moment to the infirmary for her little task, and then back with the little aid box in hands... and there was Sayvahn again, leaning on a wall and crying.
"I don't understand adults." That was the most honest thought crossing her mind at the moment as she watched him. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say she didn't understand most adults. To have been there bickering at each other because of someone who didn't want them to do that in the first place, and at the end looking at each other like the other person is being childish. It'd be nice if they really were; it's not like anyone was 100& right or wrong in what they said. Children at least were more obvious in their wants and needs, but everyone had different ways of coping with things. Punching the wall was just a somewhat new variant for her to witness.
"....Why?" She paused, thought, and finally asked when couldn't reach a conclusion on why Sayvahn hated them. He had talked to her, right? Since she was the only person around at the moment. "It might have been better to give time to time, but this way worked too. They're going to talk. Isn't what you were trying to make them do too?" Head tilt. Sayvahn didn't really think those two could have a private talk while he was still in the room... did he?
"Give it an hour or half till they chat of everything? But I guess Edel would rather you follow your own tip too, being happy and not alone, so... we could stick together till then, maybe?" She reached out a hand, if he wants to take it. "Chamomile tea and scones? I'm only offering this once."
Amon couldn't help but make a sad smile. "I promised that I wouldn't leave again, didn't I?"
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 10, 2016 4:10:09 GMT
Edelweiss opened and closed her mouth a couple times; on the first tries, no words came out. It was like there was a knot in her throat stil. Sigh. Breathe, and then again, deeply. Slowly. Maybe she could say it without moving - without undoing that loose hug or unburying her face from his shoulder. Try to finish that sentence she'd left incomplete since months ago when she finally found him. Even if it only comes out as a whisper... "When you first disappeared, I was pregnant."
"All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." - John Dalberg-Acton
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 10, 2016 4:28:57 GMT
"Holly." Being honest, she wasn't sure if Holly would have been a boy or a girl. As things were, it was little more than a guess, and she had also picked a boy's name if had been proven wrong later on. But it felt outright wrong to leave the baby without a name, so she'd used the girl name still. And if considering all fetuses have female characteristics until around the third month (and then some develop further into boys as the gestation progresses), and Holly was only a little over two months, technically it was a girl...
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
Post by Edelweiss Fjäril on Nov 10, 2016 4:50:36 GMT
"Dead." Never once before did a single word hurt more for her to say. But it was true, wanting it or not. Death wasn't a place, but it was close enough.
Last Edit: Nov 28, 2020 21:35:57 GMT by Edelweiss Fjäril: grammar
"All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." - John Dalberg-Acton
"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible! And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people!" - Taryn, Nerf This
He should have heard the footsteps. Should have heard the patter of small feet before a small voice, asking why. But, this was one of CAEsALs children after all. Sayvahn would never had heard her, especially as he sobbed. Looking toward Amethyst, the elder feline shook his head, bringing his hand to cover his eyes as he wept. “I wanted to be there for them. Wanted to help them. But I didn’t realize it would hurt so much.” And it did hurt. His own advice? He wanted it. Wanted it so badly. Wanted to find Lasair. But would Lasair even want him? Want him like this? Edgar surely would not. But Amethyst, she was offering— and he— letting out a sob, Sayvahn nodded his head, one hand still covering his face as he used the other one to take Amethyst’s hand. “Okay. But they won’t welcome me back.” He knew it. Could feel the hate—their anger and annoyance buried under their love for each other. They would talk, would hug it out, and scold him, maybe. Tell him to not come back. He would stay for a bit. Would drink a small cup, then flee. He would get one look at Edelweiss’ face, and flee. Hopefully she would be smiling, holding onto Amon’s arm, holding onto his hand. Sayvahn just wanted her to smile. To be happy— even if that risked his own happiness instead. “I’ll stay for a little bit. But then, then I’ll leave.”
“In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught." ― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
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